


On my own

by vahisa1975



Category: Thorki - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 15:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2552030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vahisa1975/pseuds/vahisa1975
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place at the end of Thor.  Loki falls into space but ends up somewhere completely different.  He's cursed and becomes a vampire.  Thor finds him and they realize how wrong they've been all their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On my own

On My Own

 

The weight of his body made the muscles in his arms burn and his fingers were starting to ache from gripping the cold metal pole so fiercely. But those were nothing compared to the pain that had just pierced his heart as he stared desperately at the only father he had ever known. 

Everything he had done had been for him, to make him love him, to show him he could be a valuable son, a worthy heir. Especially now that he knew why he was always second best and his so called brother always favored above him. He had been born a monster and as that one blue eye condemned him, he knew for the first time the truth. He was nothing to the king but a bargaining tool that had lost its value.

He looked back to the blonde hanging above him and wanted to hate him, but couldn’t. Thor had also been raised by that man who had succeeded in driving it into the golden god’s subconscious with his actions and subtle words to treat Loki as lesser than himself. All the love the god of mischief had ever held was for his family and now he’d lost them. Frigga would despise him for trying to kill her only true son. Odin showed he had never loved him even though he’d killed his blood father for him. Thor had the most reasons for everything he’d done out of jealousy, including tricking him into being banished and for all technicalities, killing him. There was nothing left for him in Asgard except a prison cell if he was lucky.

The decision showed in his eyes and his brother could see it as he uncurled his fingers from the hard shaft of Gungnir. A large, strong hand reached for him and he saw the pain and love in the other man’s face as he realized what Loki was about to do. But it was too late and not enough to make up for a lifetime of being shunned by the god of thunder and his friends. He had been told to know his place by the blonde and now he knew where that place was in Asgard. He couldn’t live with being treated as a pet at best. He was made for greater things even if they wouldn’t see it.

“Loki, NO!”

He couldn’t look away from the two men he had aspired to be like his whole life as they slowly shrank, becoming smaller until they were just specks. When they finally left his vision, it struck him what he’d done. He was falling into an abyss and he turned to see where that led, the hurt from being betrayed numbing his mind from fear or worry. Wherever he was going couldn’t be worse than where he was leaving.

A large swirling hole in space lay just below him, seeming to draw him in. It was blindingly bright as the pieces of the bifrost that Thor had smashed were floating around the entrance. He instinctively squeezed his lids shut, trying to block the light but soon the impact of a solid chunk slamming into him caused them to reopen. Squinting, he tried to avoid them the best he could, but now he was spinning, slowly at first in large circles, then spiraling into smaller, faster circuits.

Looking below him at the darkness that waited, he finally felt something. Stark terror flooded his mind and heart at the cold depths that awaited him. He tried to calm himself, it was just space after all, and wherever he ended up, he could start over. Whatever race he found would worship him as a god and a king. He would show those Asgardians that a discarded Jotun baby had the potential to be as much as any of those pampered Aesir.

The spinning increased until he could feel the very fabric of their dimension disrupted, becoming thin enough for him to pass through as he was shot into the weightlessness of space. There was no air and his lungs labored, pulling in nothing. Thinking quickly, he cast a spell around himself to form a protective shell that allowed him to breathe. But the air in there was limited and he would have to keep recasting it if he wanted to live. Which to his surprise, he still did, even after what had happened.

A chill permeated his body, sinking farther in. There was no sun near him and he was thankful because he would have burned away in seconds if he had been too close. His heritage would keep him from freezing to death. Jotuns could live through any subzero temperatures, even the lack of all heat such as this. But it came with a price. His Aesir form that he favored changed into the blue ridged one of the Frost Giants. Loki despised the reminder of where he’d come from even if it saved him.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he searched for a possible planet to land on that he could eventually conquer. This part of the universe was unfamiliar to him and he wondered how far he’d been tossed. In the distance was a smaller world that reminded him somewhat of Midgard. That would be where he’d start his rise to glory.

It took what he estimated to be three days to get close enough to feel the planet’s gravitational pull. He was exhausted from not being able to sleep properly and the drain on his magic. Every few hours he had to replace the protective spell and his stomach complained at being empty for so long. Loki had to put up a different shield as he entered the atmosphere to keep from burning away at the speed of his descent. He was used to travelling on the bifrost, but this was terrifyingly fast and uncontrolled. The god used another incantation to slow himself down, hoping it would keep him from being smashed into nothing by the time he hit.

The impact was still impossibly hard and left a furrow carved into the dirt from where his body had gone into the ground as it skidded to a stop. He lay on his back, chest heaving, not able to move. That had to be the worst thing he’d ever experienced. He could see a dark sky above him, the stars shining in it. Wherever he was, it was nighttime. His mind betrayed him by telling him even an Asgardian cell was better than what he’d been through so far and that made him angry enough to lift himself with a growl. He was destined for greatness and this was just the price he had to pay. Nothing worth having ever came easily.

Looking down, he assessed the damages he’d received. His clothes were torn and cuts showed in his skin, lines of blood running from them. A sharp burning in his side caught his attention and he gingerly moved the edges of the tear to find a deep gash. The leather of his armor was damp with the sticky red liquid and he pressed his hands over it to try and stop the bleeding. The shoulder that had hit first was dislocated and he dug his fingers into the dirt wall in front of him to pull himself to a standing position. Closing his eyes, he slammed the hanging limb into the side of his hole, popping it back into place. A scream of pain ripped through the night air and he fell to his knees, panting.

It took a few minutes before he could even concentrate to think again. He had to get out of this pit. Forcing himself to climb out of the crater he’d created, his body screamed at the effort and shot jolts of pain through his muscles. He rolled over the edge, collapsing next to it. The god wasn’t used to being this weak and vulnerable and it irritated him. He had to find civilization and regain his strength. 

Slowly he crawled to his knees and looked around. This was a field of short, green grass that continued as far as he could see. There were outlines of mountains far in the distance on every side except one. He would never make it over one of those in the state he was in. Struggling to his feet, he staggered for a few steps in the only direction that might hold his salvation.

As he trudged along, he was reminded of the only other time he’d been this wounded. A barbaric race of humanoid creatures called Kretians had invaded Stivengard and called on Asgard for help. His mind transported him back to that moment, trying to block the agony his body was experiencing.

He could feel it all: the reassuring weight of the dagger in his hand, the stench of blood and death hanging in the air, the adrenaline that flowed through him as he cut down the invaders. During the battle, they’d all been separated by the sheer numbers of their enemies. The sound of Sif screaming made him whip his head in her direction. She wasn’t wounded or unable to defend herself and it took him a minute to see that she was trying her hardest to get somewhere. His eyes scanned ahead to see Thor on the ground, quickly being overrun. It was for the god of thunder that she had cried out, not herself.

A terrible fear had penetrated his heart at the possibility of losing his brother and now that he was feeling it again, it made him stop cold in his tracks. Of all his family, the blonde had always seemed the least important and the most expendable. His brother was actually more of an obstacle for his goals than anything else. But now as he relived that day, he knew without a doubt that Thor had brought something to his life that he didn’t want to be without. He refused to examine what exactly that could be, but it didn’t matter now anyway. A new sorrow pressed on his soul from the loss as he began to walk again.

On the battlefield, that feeling for Thor had fueled him on a path straight to the fallen hero, allowing him to reach the other man before even Sif could get there. Loki struck out and deflected a sword aimed straight for the blonde’s heart at the last second. The bigger man rolled away and to his feet just as a burning pain seared through his chest. The feel of metal sliding out from his body followed and he sank to his knees, looking up at his brother.

Blood spilled from the open hole, entering his lungs and making it feel like he was starting to drown. A look of intense hate and fury appeared on the other man’s face that he’d never seen before or again after that moment. Loki had been too stunned to do anything except watch as the god of thunder raised his hammer, slamming it down in the most explosive display he’d ever seen. The lightening had traveled along their enemies, decimating their numbers in one fell swoop. He could remember being relieved that he wasn’t going to die for nothing, that he’d been the one to give Thor the ability to turn the tide of the battle. 

Then he’d lost consciousness and woken in the healing room of the palace. Somehow the other man had been able to bring him back before he’d crossed into Valhalla. For weeks during the celebration of their victory, it was all he’d heard about. How the other prince had single handedly struck down the alien army and saved his brother’s life. No one mentioned that he had saved the blonde first or that it was him that had struck a chord in the god of thunder that gave him the extraordinary ability to call on that much power. It must have been at that point he’d given up all hope of anyone seeing his accomplishments as long at the other man was around. It was then he’d decided it was time to remove Thor from the picture.

Loki would have been happy with just the banishment he’d arranged, possibly even bringing his brother back eventually. But those meddlesome warriors had to get involved and ruin his plans. He had been forced to take more drastic action, sending the Destructor to Midgard. He shook away those thoughts, his fingers absently touching the old wound still marking his chest.

The smell of smoke and something cooking wafted toward him, making his mouth water and his stomach cramp. It was faint and could be miles away but it told him one thing. Someone had to be fairly close and he could reach them. He just prayed they were going to be willing to help him.

The direction he’d been travelling gently sloped down so subtly that he hadn’t noticed it at first. After hours of more walking he came to the crest of a hill and now that the sun was starting to rise, he could see a small village nestled at the bottom. So much relief flooded him that his weak legs gave out, causing him to fall once more, landing on his hands and knees. The impact jarred all the way through his aching body and a grunt involuntarily left his throat as air was pushed out of his lungs.

“You will not give up now. Just a little further,” he mentally commanded himself.

Reaching into his core, he found hidden strength, willing himself to stand again. His legs shook but they moved and he was able to keep going forward. Sounds of early morning activity floated in the air and as he got closer, he could vaguely see figures moving. He had always been solitary, preferring his own company, but now he could see how much he craved the presence of others as his heart soared.

A sudden flurry of movement accompanied by muffled shouts told him he’d been spotted about half way there. He subconsciously took note of his appearance and it was disheartening. Not only were his clothes dirty and ripped, his hair in disarray, but he was visibly weak and shaking. The heat from his entry in the atmosphere had changed him back into an Aesir and that gave him some hope. At least he didn’t look like a monster.

That hope was soon crushed as a small group of villagers made their way toward him. He could see their features and the knowledge of what planet this was sunk in. His mind cried out at the injustice of it. Of all the places in all the realms, this was where he had ended up. He no longer had the will to stay on his feet and collapsed, tears spilling out from his emerald eyes. It seemed he was destined to die at the hands of the Kretians after all.

They drew nearer slowly, trying to assess the alien that had made itself known. He couldn’t look up, not wanting to see the inevitable hate in their yellow eyes. The guttural growls and clicking noises of their language echoed through his ears as it became obvious they were discussing what they should do with him. Finally he raised his head and looked into the green skinned faces. Their noses were mere slits, their mouths thin and cruel, filled with sharp teeth. 

He didn’t even hold his hands out to show he was defenseless. It was obvious in the way his shoulders slumped forward and the pale, drawn skin of his face. There was one that stood in front of the rest that he assumed was in charge and the scorn on its face was obvious. A small amount of pride must have resided in him still as that set him on fire, anger giving him the ability to shout.

“Just do it already!” he screamed at the cold face.

The creature came as close to a smirk as the features would allow before swinging a thick fist at his head, knocking him to the ground. His face was laying in the dirt, a stinging on his scalp as a thin line of blood trickled from his mouth. He blinked, trying hard to hold onto consciousness, but the black crept into his vision, taking him away into nothingness.

A rhythmic jarring brought him back and a dull pounding sounded in his ears. Pain from the blow to his skull radiated into his neck and he reached up to feel how bad it was. Both hands lifted and it made him look down. A thick rope was tied around his wrists and he shifted to see what was going on. Bars surrounded him and as things cleared, he could see he was in a makeshift cage being pulled behind a large animal that looked like a hairy elephant with a Kretian riding on it. They had decided not to kill him for some reason and he was almost disappointed. Where ever he was being taken, he was sure something worse than death waited.

 

They traveled for a full day, his captor never stopping to eat or sleep. Loki just lay on his back the whole time, his stomach feeling like it was eating itself from starvation, his mind fuzzy from dehydration. Fiery tendrils radiated from the large wound in his side and he knew it was infected. He drifted in and out of awareness, the hard bottom of the cage hurting against his bones that felt like they must be sticking out prominently from his already thin body. Memories of home and growing up played through his head as a distraction, sometimes actually relieving his pain for a few moments if he concentrated hard enough. A longing for those days permeated him, making him realize that even though his life hadn’t been perfect, it was better than this.

 

The scenery began to change and eventually they passed other Kretians that stopped to stare as the cage rattled on. The outline of a large wall showed on the horizon. That must be one of their larger cities. Was he going to be thrown into a dungeon to rot until he died? It brought him little comfort to know that wouldn’t take long.

 

They passed through a huge gated entryway, guards with weapons standing watch, their eyes following him as if he were a threat. If it wasn’t so depressing, he would have laughed at the thought. Their homes and buildings were remarkably similar to Midgardian feudal times. At the center was the biggest structure and it was clear that was where the ruler of this area resided. The cart came to a stop and the creature that had brought him here slid off the large wooly mammoth looking animal to approach him. It pulled out a sword and brandished it at him in an implied threat for him to cooperate.

 

“Like I have a choice,” he thought bitterly.

 

The door was opened and a green hand reached in, grabbing the rope holding his arms together and yanked him forward. He fell out and onto the ground, guttural sounds around him sounding like laughter. He could see the clawed feet of some children nearby and raising his eyes saw a pregnant Kretian watching him with amusement. She (or at least he assumed it was female) spat at him, a thick, vile substance landing close to him. Loki was pulled up to his feet, but couldn’t stand. As he started to sink back down, a rough hand attached itself to the back of his neck and started to drag him along. His feet shuffled against the ground, trying to support him when they could.

 

Thankfully they didn’t have far to go before they were inside and shortly after the entrance was a large audience chamber. At the front of the room sat an older, heavier set Kretian that he was thrown down in front of. Pain from his bones being jarred against the cold stone floor passed through him and there were noises that passed for their language around him. Another hand gripped his chin and pulled his face up. The ruler had stood and was now looking at him closely.

 

“What are you doing here Asgardian?” it taunted him in a mockery of speech full of hisses and clicks.

 

His eyes widened in shock. No one had ever heard a Kretian speak before and it was believed they couldn’t communicate with anyone other than their own kind. It also occurred to him that it was not a good thing they’d revealed that ability. He tried to answer, his mouth dry from dehydration and so many days of not being used. He was slapped across the face, lights blinking behind his eyes as he clung to consciousness. This might be his last chance at survival.

 

“Answer me!”

 

He tried again, his eyes pleading for patience. Finally sounds escaped his throat.

 

“The……abyss….” He croaked out.

 

Slitted eyes studied him and his unexpected words. His face was released and the creature in front of him stepped back.

 

“Your people have killed many of mine. We never wanted war with Asgard but you interfered anyway.”

 

A desire to laugh maniacally came over him and if he’d had the strength, he would have. It didn’t matter what he said, they were going to exact vengeance on him for their imagined slights. The only choice he had now was if he was going to die with dignity. Using what he had left, he sat back on his legs, straightening his spine and looking forward, his expression blank. It told the Kretian what he could not, that he was ready to die and they would not break him. More of the sounds that could be mistaken for laughter erupted out of the creature in front of him.

 

“You think you are brave Aesir? Death would be too easy for your kind. No, I have something much better in mind for you.”

 

The large humanoid gestured to his guards, talking in their language. They scurried away like insects and Loki wondered how much longer he would be able to keep holding himself up. He could feel the little energy he had left slipping from him. They returned shortly, carrying an ornate metal bowl filled with liquid and a large, thick book. The ruler took off the cape that signified his position and replaced it with a long, dark vestige. Loki didn’t know anything about their culture but he knew a magical ritual when he saw one. And this looked to be dark magic.

 

He wondered if he should be worried or afraid. What could they do to him? Kill him with a spell? He wasn’t strong enough to last long if they wanted to assault him that way. It would be worse than being run through with a sword, but it would be brief. After a few minutes they seemed to be ready and the one in charge took the book, standing in front of him.

 

“For your crimes against our people, you are to receive the most feared, detested curse we possess. You will not be dead or alive. Nothing will kill you except the rays of sunlight, condemning you to darkness. Your only sustenance will be the living essence of others, their life’s blood. You will be nothing more than a crawling parasite that I will use to punish who I see fit until I set you to your death in the burning pain of daylight.”

 

His eyes widened with the fear that consumed him. Loki had heard of this. It was rare and he never would have guessed this backward race would have access to something of this caliber. As if being Jotun weren’t bad enough, they planned on changing him into a different kind of monster. A vampire.

 

Out of desperation, he tried to raise himself to stand, but the strain of just holding himself up for so long made him fall forward. He landed on his chest and face, a sting reminding him of his recently dislocated shoulder. The Kretian began to read from the book and he could feel the power begin to swirl through the air. He had always been in tune to magic, letting it course through him to channel and control it. Loki tried now to capture that force and use it, but he wasn’t strong enough. The other had it under his command and effortlessly batted his futile attempts away.

 

Cold hands lifted him up and pulled his head back until he was staring at the ceiling. His mouth was pulled open and whatever horrible liquid was in that bowl dumped down his throat. He sputtered and coughed, trying to keep it out, but it poured into him anyway. He could feel it settle in his decimated stomach and he was released to fall on his face again.

 

The words being chanted continued around him and the foul liquid inside of him started to spread in an icy invasion. It seeped through the walls of his stomach, moving into his other organs. Everything it touched cramped and twisted as it was changed into something different with a new purpose. He writhed on the dirty stones weakly, impossibly trying to escape what was inside of him. Somehow he ended up on his back, staring up, his body twitching occasionally from the lack of ability to do anything else.

 

It hit his heart and a final sharp intake of breath raised him slightly before he fell back. He was still aware, could feel it heading up his neck toward his brain, but the big muscle the liquid left had stopped beating. They were right, he was alive but not at the same time. A tear leaked from his eye and it astounded him that he’d had the moisture for it. The thought was ripped from him as the transformation was completed, his mind being covered and making him somehow different but the same. A full convulsion went through his body as it transpired and when it was over, it took a minute for his brain to clear. His thoughts and feelings remained the same, but there was something foreign there. A baser instinct waiting to pounce and take control.

 

Loki felt a tingling along certain areas of his skin and looked down to see his wounds healing. All the cuts from the crash into the planet, including the fatal one on his side were closing. Energy and strength flowed into his limbs and a new sound made itself known to him. Listening, he determined it was the beating of the hearts around him. Now he laughed loudly, his chest shaking from the action. He was no longer hungry or hurt. Those fools had given him the ability to escape. The chanting stopped at the sound of his amusement and the ruler pointed at the two guards.

 

Using his new found powers, Loki sprung to his feet, tearing apart the ropes holding his wrists with a single pull. He reached out and grabbed the guards by their necks, breaking them with a flick and tossing them away. Slowly, with malice shining in his eyes, he approached the one that had done this to him.

 

“You will regret this,” he promised darkly.

 

His intended prey showed no fear and held out a hand in front of him.

 

“Stop.”

 

His body became unresponsive and he snarled at the heavy set Kretian.

 

“What is this?”

 

“Do you think I would give you the ability to destroy me or my people? You are under my command creature.”

 

Loki’s blood boiled. No one controlled the god of mischief. No one. He concentrated and could feel a deeper, stronger connection with the darkness that passed through him. He pulled on it, gathering it into himself. He had never embraced the black side of magic before, but now it was a part of him and came to him at the slightest beckoning. He could see the fear beginning to show in his enemy’s eyes and an evil smile appeared on his lips. Suddenly he burst forward, slamming into the Kretian and knocking him flat on his back.

 

Loki held him down easily and could hear the heart under him begin to beat faster, the blood rushing enticingly. Another tingling started, this time in his mouth and groin. His incisors elongated, turning into sharp fangs and that instinct that had settled in his brain began to take over. He fought it, knowing what it wanted. Inevitably, he lost the battle and it struck him he would always lose. This was the driving force of his existence now.

 

His mouth lowered toward the smooth green neck and his cock grew hard with anticipation. More shame and disgust went through him than he’d ever felt in his life, but he couldn’t stop it from happening. The fangs ripped through the flesh easily and he caught the liquid in his mouth. Nothing had ever tasted like this. It was power and life and it was his. He gulped down mouthfuls, losing track of everything else. When the flow lessened, he felt another urgent need calling to him. His member was so hard it was aching with pain and he realized he’d been rutting against the body under him while under the foggy influence of pleasure from drinking the blood. They were both still clothed, but the fact he had been trying to violate the hideous animal while not even aware of it, made him nauseated. A final gush of hot liquid filled his mouth and his hips jerked forward, rubbing his cock against the body again. The contact made him release and he cried out, pushing the unmoving form away from him.

 

Loki fell back, landing on his butt and staring at the now dead body. They had turned him into a vile, disgusting abomination and new tears formed to run down his cheeks. Even though he had the ability to escape now, he couldn’t go home. Images of him doing this to unsuspecting Asgardians flashed before his eyes and his heart sank. He would have to be locked up just for everyone’s safety if he went there. There was nowhere left for him and he would never be able to live up to his potential now. How could a vampire rule a world? The sun was his enemy and made him more vulnerable than ever. They had condemned him to a fate worse than death.

 

Loki got to his feet and looked up at one of the windows. It would be night soon. They may have turned him into this, but he wasn’t going to let them win. He would never do this again. It wasn’t hard to wait there until darkness fell. Everyone had been instructed to stay away while they performed the ceremony and he was left alone, no one realizing things had gone horribly wrong. As he waited, he searched until he found clean clothes to change into. His pants were sticky with semen and the green blood of his victim stained his shirt.

 

As soon as it was dark, he crawled up the wall, hooking his fingers easily onto the stones and stood in the opening that was a window. It was a fairly large drop, but he jumped down, landing easily, not feeling even the smallest amount of pain. It wasn’t hard to avoid everyone as he could hear the thumping of their hearts as they approached. Once he was past the wall of the city, he started to run as far from there as he could get. He remembered the mountains and went that direction. No one would live out there and there had to be a cave he could crawl into to keep the sun from destroying him. The speed and endurance that he ran with gave him a feeling of elation. There was nothing but misery in his future, but he couldn’t help enjoying the air as it sped past him, his body never tiring.

 

Even with his new abilities, he didn’t get to the mountains that night. An hour before dawn he could feel the faintest pricks of light on his skin, warning him to find shelter. There was nothing nearby and he had to dig into the ground and cover himself with earth. There was no way to breathe under there and it proved to be a good thing he didn’t need to.

 

It wasn’t until the fourth night that he made it to the base of the mountains. There were no trees or animals nearby and he searched the rocky ridges until he found a hole in one that went back far enough to keep him in the darkness even during the day. Loki went inside and sat on the hard rock, pulling his knees up and holding them, resting his head against his arms. He could feel the terrible thirst for blood starting in him again already. But it was silent out here, no hearts to call to that part of him he couldn’t control. Eventually he found a spot along the wall that was far from the entrance and lay down. This would be his final resting place. The Kretian had said only the sun could kill him, but maybe if he didn’t drink blood, he would waste away to nothing. He hoped so because if not, the only alternative he could see was him going mad from isolation and boredom.

 

Loki stayed in that spot for a week. A desire and longing for blood surged through him, stronger than anything he’d ever felt in his life. He fought it, not allowing himself to move, afraid if he did, he would kill and rape one of the disgusting inhabitants of this planet. Tonight had been the hardest struggle and as the morning drew nearer, he knew he had to end it. He couldn’t continue on like this and got up, moving closer to the entrance. He could already feel the sun even though it hadn’t risen yet.

 

Loki went to the middle of the opening, standing in it, and was completely exposed to the outside. Little prickles of burning pierced his skin but he didn’t move. The closer the sun came, the more the pain increased, but he stayed there, willing it to come faster and get this over with. The first faint ray hit him and a tendril of smoke began to rise from his flesh. He gritted his teeth as it felt like a flame had been ignited under his skin. More rays shot at him and he had to close his eyes, not able to take the light. Now there were more fires sprouting all over him. His blood grew hot and he could smell himself starting to roast. Finally it was too painful and he stumbled backward into the coolness of the dark. Crawling back to his spot, he collapsed and cried at his lack of conviction. He deserved to die and couldn’t even find the nerve to finish it.

 

Loki lost track of time after that. He remembered the thirst taking over one night after what must have been months and making him attempt to get to the entrance to look for prey, but he was now too weak. All the power that he’d received from the ritual had to be sustained by feeding and he’d forsaken that. He had hoped to stay there and let the sun kill him, trying again to end it. But he had found the ability to slither back into the darkness.

 

More months passed and he could no longer lift his head. His body was skeletal with a thin layer of flesh, his hair long since greasy and matted. A few snowflakes flitted inside telling him it was winter. He couldn’t feel the cold and even the thirst had abandoned him a long time ago. Dreams of Asgard and his family kept him from going completely insane. He remembered the soft embraces of his mother and Thor’s handsome face smiling at him. Even Odin had made him feel accepted occasionally. That had been what had given him hope in the first place. He missed them so much that the pain of it cut into him deeply, making him wish that alone was enough to send him to oblivion. There was no longer a place in Valhalla for what he’d become.

 

The next day he stared at the white swirls that were doomed to fly in and land on the rock, melting almost instantly. He envied them the ability to fade away. His body suddenly reverberated with a quick thumping. What…..? There it was again. And again. It grew steadier until it dawned on him what it was. A heartbeat was echoing in his wasted body. Now he could hear it. It was strong and loud and the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. He was so happy just to know it existed, tears would have spilled down his face if he had any. It was the most comforting thing that he’d ever experienced.

 

Loki let that sound wrap himself in it, forgetting his pain and hollowness to drown in the vibrations. It made him feel loved and his loneliness disappear, even if whoever it belonged to didn’t know he was there. Then it came closer and fear gripped him.

 

“No, go away!” he screamed at whoever it was with his mind.

 

They would only find death if they discovered him even in his weakened state. He loved this person for easing his pain and didn’t want to hurt them. Loki tried to summon magic to hide the entrance or cause them to be repulsed into a different direction, but he had none. And the sound grew louder, telling him they were getting closer, most likely looking for shelter from the weather.

 

He didn’t know if it was because he’d starved for so long but this heart sounded stronger and more vibrant that the ones from the Kretians he’d encountered. The blood smelled sweeter and lighter. All he could do was watch as whoever it was drew nearer to their certain doom.

 

A large figure blocked the sunlight, covered in what looked like a blanket with a hood that reminded him of the winter ponchos from Asgard. The person came in and he could feel his body start to tense, getting ready to make him attack with an unnatural strength that he shouldn’t have access to. They brushed the snow off and his eyes drank in every movement, finding them graceful and precious. He really had been alone too long as it was obviously a man that had the misfortune to come here, but he longed to touch them anyway.

 

The hands reached up and pulled the hood back and if his heart had been beating, it would have stopped. Golden hair spilled out and icy blue eyes searched the gloom. Loki wanted to laugh again. He was hallucinating now. His memories of his family had made him imagine that his brother had found him. It was so convincing that even his body didn’t know the difference. At least he wouldn’t be killing anyone today.

 

A sigh escaped him as pain went through him. He would have given anything for Thor to care enough to look for and find him. He would even tell him how he really felt, that he loved him and had always loved the golden god, ever since they were young boys. The sound of air escaping made the other person look his direction and he watched with amused eyes, wondering how far his sick mind would take this charade.

 

Thor (since he had no other name to call the illusion) fingered the handle of his hammer and squinted into the darkness. He gave himself credit for making this so realistic and detailed. The blonde took a step further and finally spotted the pile of rags and bones that made him up and what remained of his clothes. The beautiful eyes widened as the other man tried to make out what he was looking at. He wanted to jump into the wet orbs and swim away, melting into them until he no longer existed. Maybe he was going mad, he thought sadly.

 

His brother knelt down, not being able to see well in the lack of light and reached out carefully. Loki knew his body must look like a skeleton and maybe he thought he was just a dead thing he’d discovered. If he were real, he reminded himself. He also reminded himself that being dead wasn’t far from the truth. Warm fingers brushed his arm and his body reacted, pushing him to pounce and feed. But he didn’t move. This wasn’t real, how could he feel the touch? His mind reeled from confusion and it wasn’t until the blue eyes connected with his that understanding lit the other man’s face.

 

“Loki?” he whispered in disbelief.

 

There couldn’t have been a sweeter sound than his name being spoken by the golden god. He wanted to cry but had nothing to shed. He still wasn’t even convinced this was really happening. Forcing his throat to move, nothing came out. He tried again harder. If Thor was really here, he had to say something. All fear of hurting the blonde was erased. The god of thunder was probably the only one capable of keeping him from overpowering him, even at his full strength. The thought of his brother leaving him there flashed through his brain, making waves of pain wash over him. He had to communicate.

 

“Yesss,” he managed to hiss out in a rush of air.

 

Concern and pain came over the face of the man above him. Thor’s hands hovered over him, wanting to help but afraid to touch him, not knowing what to do. There was something else in his brother’s eyes. He knew what he was. His knew how he could be like this and still live. And he had still come to find him. His eyes searched the gorgeous face watching him, trying to understand. Thor could see what he was thinking and smiled at him, making his stomach twist with longing.

 

“I’ve been looking for you Loki. Ever since you disappeared, I knew you had to be out here somewhere. When I came to this planet they tried to fight me and take me prisoner, but I was able to defeat everyone in that village. I earned their respect and they told me about an Asgardian that was taken to one of the large cities. I went there with an emissary from their village and heard about what happened to you. How you were cursed and killed their ruler. The guards saw you run this direction, so I came to find you.”

 

The blue eyes grew wet and tears fell out of them.

 

“This is my fault. There are so many things I could have done differently. I should have jumped in after you. Together we could have kept this from happening.”

 

Loki wanted to cry, to tell Thor there was nothing he could have done. He didn’t even know if he would have been able to keep him alive in space if he had come through the abyss. But now he knew without a doubt that his brother loved him more than anyone else ever had.

 

He was able to form his mouth into the semblance of a smile briefly to try and let the blonde know how much it meant to him. Thor’s eyes swept over him and he could see the decision forming in his mind.

 

“I’m going to help you,” he told him.

 

Loki’s eyes filled with the fear he was feeling and he tried to shake his head. Thor cautiously raised his hand to stroke his hair and he could almost taste the blood he heard flowing in his veins.

 

“It’s alright. You can’t hurt me.”

 

The other man moved to put his hands under his body, lifting him up and he panicked. He couldn’t really mean to be doing this, what could the god of thunder be thinking? His head lolled back and his fangs protruded prominently from his mouth. His brother never even flinched at the sight, pulling him up so he was cradled on his lap. Loki tried again to talk, to warn the perfect man holding him to get away from the filthy, desecrated thing he was. His throat worked, but nothing came out. Pain radiated from his eyes, trying to let him know that he should be running from him.

 

The blonde saw it again and somehow knew what he was trying to communicate. He had always thought his brother was thick headed, but he was seeing a different, more perceptive side to him. He was given a sad smile as the other man ran his hand down his sunken face. It was too much for him to have the pulse so close to his mouth and he sprang faster than either of them thought possible. He gripped the other man’s wrist in his bony hands, his fangs sinking into the soft, warm flesh.

 

He heard a gasp as he broke the skin, letting his mouth fill with the heavenly delicacy. This was so much better than the foul blood of the Kretian he'd killed. The only thing he could compare it to was the difference between a fine wine and a poor one. Loki could actually fell his body filling out and his skin growing supple again. More strength than before flowed into him at the powerful blood that ran in the god of thunder’s veins. But along with all of the good things came the bad. His cock swelled and made him want to find release. He held onto the rational part of his brain, not letting himself get lost like last time. If he suddenly found himself humping his brother’s leg, he would never be able to look at him again.

 

The pulse under his tongue quickened and he couldn’t help but wonder if it meant what he was doing felt good. It was possible his fangs emitted a pleasure inducing chemical to help him feed. It wasn’t uncommon in the animal kingdom and he was little more than that now. As hard as he tried to stop it, his mind blanked and he was jolted back into reality as he found himself on the hard rock, looking up at the blonde with a shocked expression.

 

“What were you doing?” the other man growled at him, wrapping a piece of cloth around his wrist.

 

He honestly didn’t know and could only guess it had been something horrible.

 

“I….don’t….remember…” he whispered, not wanting to find out.

 

His eyes grew big as he noticed the bulge in the other man’s pants. It was exactly what he feared. Thor blushed and looked away.

 

“You were…rubbing me…” he told him.

 

Tears sprang into his eyes as the words hit his ears. After everything his brother had done for him, he had tried to violate him too.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said in between the tears.

 

“I tried to warn you not to help me. Can’t you see what I am now?”

 

Thor moved to sit next to him and pulled him into a hug. He was shocked and didn’t understand.

 

“I know you couldn’t control it. I’m sorry I over reacted.”

 

How could he be apologizing to him? He’d been the one to do something wrong. Loki felt something stir inside him at the strong arms holding him, the clear scent that filled his nostrils, and the love that emanated into his soul. He almost couldn’t believe that he’d been alone for so long. It was hard to tell which reality he was in, but there was no doubting what he was experiencing now. Just being able to talk and communicate seemed like an unsurpassed pleasure.

 

“Why? Why did you come after me?” he asked, a little afraid.

 

The other man moved back to look into his face, holding the sides of his head lightly. A new love he’d never felt before slid through him as he noticed for the first time how it wouldn’t bother him if he never saw another person.

 

“Because I love you Loki. How could you not know that?”

 

New tears began to fall. He had known and never cared. He had taken it for granted along with everything else in his life. The god of mischief had to touch him and ran his hand up into the perfect blonde hair.

 

“I’m sorry Thor. I was so arrogant and blind…” he couldn’t even say all the other terrible things he’d been.

 

He could feel the other man lean into his touch and it surprised him.

 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad I found you.”

 

Loki was pulled back into a hug and he wrapped his arms around the muscular body, holding on tightly. If Thor disappeared and this had only been an illusion, he would lose his mind for sure. He didn’t want to live without him ever again. But how could they stay together? If they went back to Asgard, they would be separated and he couldn’t expect his brother to stay here with him. A new pain went through him. He had just discovered his love for Thor and now he was going to have to lose him.

 

“You know I can’t go back to Asgard,” he said finally finding the strength to voice his thoughts.

 

Thor released him and sat back, studying him.

 

“We’ll think of something. You look much better.”

 

A haunted look crossed the handsome face.

 

“You looked….” He fought to find a word that would describe him, “terrible before.”

 

It was obvious that didn’t completely cover it, but it was as close as he wanted to get. Loki didn’t want to know. As it was, he was filthy and his clothes barely covered him.

 

“I’m going to look like that again unless I keep feeding.”

 

Hatred and self-loathing filled him.

 

“You should never have helped me. I’m just going to hurt people. Do you know what happens when I feed? Why do you think I was rubbing you? I’ve become a disgusting animal. I would have ended it long ago, but I couldn’t. You think you’ve saved your brother, but he no longer exists.”

 

He didn’t want to say those things, but he had to make the god of thunder see how pointless it was to help him. Thor frowned at him and shivered. Now that Loki had blood in him, his skin had warmed and he could feel the cold, but it didn’t affect him.

 

“I don’t care who you are, I still love you,” the blonde said as he got up and started to search the little cave.

 

He found a few sticks and put them on the floor, then produced a pack from under his cloak. Loki couldn’t take his eyes off from him. It was still impossible that he could be there, but the steady beating that filled his ears comforted him and told him otherwise. He watched as the other man started a fire and sat next to it for the warmth. It wouldn’t take long for the small area to heat up and become cozy. The bigger man also took out some clothes and tossed them to him. He blushed and got up, feeling strange that he had the ability to move around now.

 

Loki went to the entrance and grabbed handfuls of snow that melted at the new heat he had and used the water to wash his face. Then he removed his shirt and repeated the process until he was fairly clean and replaced the tattered one with the clothing Thor had given him. It was too big, but that didn’t matter. He hesitated for a second when it came to removing his pants and he glanced over, but his brother was looking through the pack for something. Knowing he wasn’t watching, he was able to clean himself and change. Then he went over and sat on the ground, across from the golden god. The other man was eating something that smelled like dried meat. The thought of food made his stomach toss in revolt.

 

Kind, blue eyes looked at him and he had the urge to grab him in a mind numbing kiss. Loki looked away, ashamed at those thoughts. He was only feeling this way because he’d been alone and was happy to see someone else again. Maybe it was partly because he was a savage beast that only wanted to rut and feed instead of the man he used to be. Pain flooded him and he swallowed, trying to control it.

 

“What are we going to do?”

 

“I don’t know yet, but now that I've finally found you, I’m not letting you go.”

 

“We don’t have any options that end that way,” he said quietly.

 

A sigh escaped from the big body across from him.

 

“Then we’ll make one. Stop being so pessimistic.”

 

The worst part was, he wasn’t trying to be. He was just looking at the truth. Maybe his brother wouldn’t now, but he would eventually see he was right and then he’d be alone again. The idea sent terror shooting through him. He couldn’t go back to that. He wanted to die in Thor’s arms before that happened. Maybe he could convince him to kill him.

 

“I know I don’t deserve to ask you for anything after all you’ve done. But can you make me a promise?”

 

“Of course,” the voice that answered was gentle and sweet, making him shiver with pain.

 

“If you have to leave me, promise that you’ll kill me before you go. I can’t…..”

 

His voice broke and tears fell that he didn’t want. His brother jumped up and rushed to him, holding him again and he clung to him like before. He knew he couldn’t live without the warmth and light the god of thunder brought to his life now.

 

“I can’t promise that,” Thor whispered against his hair, “but I promise I’ll never leave you. I don’t care what happens.”

 

“You can’t promise me that. I won’t let you,” he pleaded in a voice filled with agony.

 

“You can’t stop me.”

 

Thor was nothing if stubborn and he knew it wouldn’t do any good to argue with him. As much as he didn’t want to trap the other man into his life of misery, he hoped it was true. Soft lips pressed against his forehead and a jolt of heat went through his belly, so unlike the pure lust he felt when feeding. He closed his eyes and let the imprint stay in his mind so he could relive the feeling anytime he wanted. They sat together, holding each other for a long time and this was as close to happy as he would ever get again.

 

Eventually Thor had to go to sleep and he sat by the fire, letting it warm his already cooling skin. He still couldn’t stop staring at the other man as he lay wrapped in his cloak, letting his mind try to comprehend that he was actually there. He was also trying to come to grips with the fact that he was completely in love with him. It had always been there, hiding under the surface, but he had denied it for so many reasons. Now he knew Thor was his purpose for living and couldn’t be without him. He also couldn’t condemn him to staying with him. A plan formed in his mind and made him ache with sorrow, but it was necessary. He couldn’t do it tonight though, he was too selfish. He needed one more day with him.

 

Loki saw that the fire was getting low and they needed more wood. He went to the entrance and looked out. There was a storm coming and he needed to find as much as he could in case they wouldn’t be able to leave soon. He spent the night scouring what he could find, having to travel a great distance since there wasn’t a forest or anything nearby. What he did find was wet from the snow and he laid it out in the cave to dry. When Thor woke up, he was there waiting, seeming to have not moved from his seat by the fire. Loki’s eyes memorized every movement the other man made. The way he stretched and yawned, the dazed look of sleep leaving the beautiful eyes as he woke up. Everything he did was magical. Loki was given a big smile as soon as the eyes fell on him.

 

“Up already?”

 

“I don’t sleep Thor. I’m not alive.”

 

He didn’t say it in a mean way, he was just stating a fact.

 

The other man gave him a strange look.

 

“What are you talking about? You’re cursed and can’t die, but that doesn’t mean that you're not alive.”

 

A smirk came over his lips, feeling strange after not having made one in so long. He got up and knelt next to his brother, taking his hand and holding it against his chest.

 

“Do you feel anything?”

 

The blonde’s eyes widened and he began pressing the hand against him, trying to find a pulse. When he couldn’t find one, he put his ear against his body and Loki’s breath caught. He didn’t stop himself from lightly stroking the soft hair as the other man listened intently to his hollow cavity. Thor raised his head and looked at him, not able to comprehend how he was talking and moving but without a heartbeat. He had no answers that would help him.

 

The other man shivered and they both looked at the fire to see that it was almost out. Warm fingers brushed his cheek and the other man looked at him concerned.

 

“You feel so cold.”

 

Maybe his skin was cold but sparks of heat started in his core at the fingers that touched him.

 

“It’s only the blood that makes my body warm.”

 

He got up and got some of the now dry wood and put it on the fire. The cave began to heat up again and he sat back down. Thor was watching him and he could almost see the thoughts running through his mind.

 

“We will find a way to fix this,” he told him and Loki just gave him a smile.

 

He knew there was no cure and he could tell by the unconvinced way Thor said it that he knew too. But his brother would hang onto any hope for as long as he could. It was one of the things he loved about him. They spent the day together, talking, and occasionally holding each other when one started to break down into tears. Which happened to Loki a lot. He had to tell the other man everything he had ever done to wrong him and be forgiven. It was his last chance for redemption and he had to purge his conscious.

 

When night came, he found himself weeping against the strong chest for the hundredth time that day. He didn’t know how Thor had found the patience to deal with him, but he had been kind and understanding, loving and sweet in a way Loki couldn’t even remember. As his cheek pressed against the warm body, the heartbeat started to call to him, telling him he needed to feed again. The desire to sink his fangs into the other man cemented his decision that he couldn’t stay and he looked up at his brother.

 

“I know I’ve never told you this, but I love you.”

 

He had to swallow the lump in his throat and was terrified to tell Thor how he felt, but his time was gone and this was his final confession. A big hand cupped his face as the other man pressed his forehead to his.

 

“I’ve always known,” he said softly before pressing a kiss to Loki’s lips.

 

His lifeless heart jumped at the brief contact. He looked at the other man with a question etched in his features. A small smile graced the plush mouth as the god of thunder gazed back at him. Neither of them spoke, Loki just lay his head back on a broad shoulder. He was loved and that was all he needed. Maybe it was all he’d ever needed.

 

They stayed like that until Thor began to drift to sleep. A sharp pain cut into his heart to know it was over. He placed a kiss on the other man’s cheek, letting his lips linger so he could take the feel and smell of his skin with him. Then he waited for him to lay down and used the cape to tuck around his body. He wanted him to be warm and put more wood on the fire.

 

As soon as he was satisfied his brother was sleeping, Loki left the warmth and love he’d discovered. As much as it was killing him, it was time to let Thor go. He began to hike farther up the mountain where there were only exposed rocks. He found what he was looking for, a ledge facing the horizon and sat down to wait. He wouldn’t be able to dig into the ground here and there was no protection from the sunrise. It was the only way the man full of goodness and love would be able to go on with his life. It hurt him to do this, but he knew it was for the best.

 

It didn’t take long for the first prickles to start on his body. Loki closed his eyes and pressed his wet face against his knees. He would do it this time, he had to because he loved him. More than himself or anything else that had ever existed.

 

The tiny fires flared in him from the faintest rays and his blood began to heat up. Smoke came off from him and he clenched his jaw, determined to see it through. For the first time, an actual beam of sunlight struck him and he cried out at the sudden painful burning. He threw himself face down on the rock, his fingers clawing at the hard surface to try and escape the sun. But he had made it so he couldn’t and his plan was flawless. Laying flat he had moved out of the way of that single beam but now more were appearing. He felt the horrible agony as two hit him at once and screamed. It didn’t even sound like him, but the noise of a monster receiving justice. He was on the edge of passing out from the pain and welcomed the darkness that beckoned him.

Suddenly everything was dark and the burning subsided. Was he finally dead? But then he heard it, the beating of the only heart he had ever wanted to make his own and he was lifted up, seeming to float through the air. As soon as his mind cleared from the pain, he was able to figure out what happened. He was wrapped in Thor’s cloak and the other man was carrying him. He began to struggle against him.

 

“No, Thor, let me go. I have to do this for you!”

 

Loki was weak from the sun and not having fed in days. He was no match for the muscular arms that held him. The other man didn’t say anything until they got back and he was released from the cape back into the darkness. Anger and hurt glared at him from the handsome face.

 

“I know why you did this. Do you really think that’s what I want?”

 

He didn’t bother to answer. There was no way to convince him it was the only way. His eyes were fixed on nothing, staring away and he was caught off guard when the blonde pulled him against his body, holding his head to the broad chest.

 

“I can’t live without you Loki,” he told him as he kissed his hair.

 

The thickness of his voice and the way his body heaved under him told him his brother was crying. He had already known it would hurt him, but there was no other way to make him leave. And he wouldn’t go back to the way things were when he was alone. He wanted to be dead when it happened.

 

The thumping so close to his ear started to echo inside him and he had to fight to stop himself from grabbing onto Thor and ripping his throat out. He pushed away from the other man and walked a few steps, keeping his back to him

 

“How else can I make you leave? You don’t even know what kind of danger you’re in right now.”

 

He wasn’t yelling, but close to it. How could he get through to him?

 

“I know you won’t hurt me. You haven’t even tried to since I got here.”

 

The blonde’s naiveté touched him, but also made him vulnerable. Loki scoffed at his words.

 

“I didn’t have the strength to attack you when you found me or you would have been killed then. The only reason I haven’t done anything since then was because I’d fed. That doesn’t last forever.”

 

He could hear the other man coming up behind him and he stiffened. Now he remembered why he thought he was such an idiot. You didn’t walk up to a vampire trying to warn you to stay away.

 

“Is that what’s wrong?” he said quietly, “If you need to feed, then I’ll be more than willing to let you.”

 

Loki lowered his face into his hands and wept. He didn’t want to. It made him feel like a parasite living off from a god. The other man reached out for him and touched his shoulder, making him fall to his knees. He was trying to stay away from the his brother, to keep him from being contaminated by his darkness. He wished he had died out there.

 

There were noises behind him of the god moving around and he was relieved he had dropped the subject. His hopes began to rise as it sounded like he was doing something with his pack. Maybe he would leave after all. All thoughts fled his mind at the smell of blood hitting the air. His nostrils flared and his head whipped around to see the other man had a knife in his hand and had cut himself on the arm. A thin line trickled down, making him lick his lips and crawl toward him. What was left of his rational side screamed at him to stop, but the animal had taken over. When he was close enough, his tongue snaked out, lapping up every drop until it was gone. With a snarl of disappointment, he plunged his teeth into the nearest vein, moaning at the sudden surge that rushed into his mouth. He was too far gone to even try and hold on to the part that was him and when he came back from the haze, the all too familiar ache was in his cock. The other man pried one of his hands from the arm he was sucking greedily at and placed it on the already hard groin next to his face. He was so shocked, he actually let go of the blood source and looked up.

 

“I want to give you whatever you need,” a soft voice told him.

 

It shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did. Maybe he was just as thick as his brother sometimes. His hands went to work quickly untying and pulling down the his brother's pants. As soon as the thick member was freed and in front of him, he took it into his mouth, sucking just as hard as if he was feeding from it. He was careful not to let his fangs scrape along the smooth surface. Strong fingers gripped his hair and he heard the labored breathing scattered with small moans coming from above him.

 

“Oh my god, Loki,” the blonde panted.

 

His blood fueled lust made him more forceful and passionate about what he was doing than he might have been otherwise. He could feel the way the hot member twitched in his mouth, letting him know it was good. Then he was suddenly pulled off, a growl coming from him as he was pushed backward. His own pants were yanked off and his breath caught in anticipation. Thor moved over him, kissing him hard and fierce and his body responded by making his hips jerk up. His cock bumped against the velvety skin of his brother’s and he gasped. Wanting to feel more, he reached down and grabbed them both, pressing them together and stroking them at the same time.

 

Small noises of pleasure filled the air from both of them. He was so close to releasing, he had to stop and the god of thunder took that opportunity to slide into his body. He could feel the large head stretching him, giving him so much pleasure. He grabbed onto the muscular arms as the other man started to thrust into him, his eyes closing at the amazing feeling. Cum leaked from his hole and he started to raise his hips to meet each inward motion.

 

“Fuck me Thor. Fuck me hard!” he cried out.

 

He wasn’t even sure which side of him that came from and really didn’t care. All he knew was the pounding intensified, sending stars shooting in front of his eyes. So many sounds he’d never made before escaped him. He was mewling and panting, groaning and purring. His hand grabbed his own cock and he pulled roughly at the need surging in him.

 

Hot semen spilled into his body and sent him over the edge. His own fluids covered his stomach and as his body convulsed he could feel more squeeze out of the cock inside him. His chest rose rapidly as he looked up at the blonde, trying to catch his breath. Thor’s eyes held nothing but love for him and he lowered his mouth to capture his in another kiss. This time it was sweet and gentle and told him everything he could ever want to know. They both needed each other more than anything else. He finally understood why the other man would never leave him and it was the way it was always meant to be.

 

Their embrace lasted a long time, neither one of them wanting to lose the connection they’d found. Eventually they got up and fixed their clothes, sitting together by the fire. Thor had his arm around his shoulders and Loki’s head was on his chest.

 

“Does it hurt when I bite you?” he asked, suddenly remembering his question from before.

 

“At first, but then it starts to feel nice. It’s hard to explain.”

 

But he didn’t need him to. It made sense to him that he would have that ability. When Thor went to sleep, he insisted on Loki being with him. The dark haired god no longer had plans to hurt himself, but he didn’t mind the protectiveness. He looked forward to being held as the man he loved slumbered. He closed his eyes and while he didn’t dream, he imagined a different place and a better life. It was as close to a dream as he could get without actually having one.

 

In the morning, he noticed how low the fire was and looked at the pile of wood. There were a couple pieces left that would last for half the day. He wouldn’t be able to go out and search until night and a full on blizzard had hit. Even the god of thunder couldn’t go out in that. He pressed closer to the other man as fear settled in his stomach. He didn’t need the heat, but Thor did. The amazing blue eyes opened and he gave his brother a smile, masking his worries.

 

“I still can’t believe I found you,” the blonde told him.

 

“It’s hard for me to. I thought you were a hallucination.”

 

A laugh tumbled from his love’s chest, making him blush.

 

“That explains a lot.”

 

“It’s not funny,” he said in a pretend pout.

 

“No, you’re right. Nothing that happened to you was funny,” Thor agreed seriously.

 

Loki sighed and put his arms around his neck, giving him a kiss.

 

“It doesn’t matter. We have more important things to worry about.”

 

His brother looked at him intently, wondering what it was he was concerned with.

 

“What is it?”

 

“The wood’s almost gone and I can’t get more until tonight. Even then it has to dry before we can use it.”

 

The blonde smiled at him.

 

“Is that all? I little cold won’t kill me.”

 

He was sure a little wouldn’t. But with the blizzard outside, it was sure to get more than a little cold. He kept silent, not wanting to scare the other man. Later that day, he watched as Thor searched his pack thoroughly, pulling out some more dried meat. He could tell it was the last piece from the way he’d had to really look to find it. When he went out later, he was going to have to find food for his brother or he would starve.

 

It came to him that he should try and make Thor leave just so he could survive. But he knew the other man wouldn’t go anywhere and he didn’t want him to. Loki was just going to have to find what he needed.

 

The fire burned out shortly after and the air slowly began to chill around them. He watched as the other man slowly covered up with one layer after another. But he only had so much with him. By the time night fell, he was curled up in a shivering ball, Loki draped over him to give him any heat his body might still be holding. As soon as he could leave he kissed him on the cheek and looked him in the face.

 

“I’m going to get wood and food. I will come back, I promise.”

 

“I know you will,” Thor told him with a smile.

 

It touched him how much faith the other man had in him and he hugged him before forcing himself to go out into the night. Strong winds whipped against him, blowing his hair out behind him, like a strange shadow. Flakes of snow stung his eyes and he instinctively put his arms around himself, even though it didn’t offer any warmth or protection.

 

Loki scoured every inch of the surrounding area and came up with nothing. He had taken all there was the other night and there was no wood anywhere. He was going to have to look farther away and it was already getting late. The only choices he had were to spend the day in the ground and continue tomorrow night or to go back and then have to travel all the way out here again. It would be a waste of time to go back and every minute that went by put Thor in more danger. He hated not going back to at least let the blonde know what he was doing, but he couldn’t risk it. He went on as long as he could and when the prickles started in his skin he stopped and dug into the soil. It was the longest day of his life as he lay there helpless worried about his brother.

 

Night came again and he pushed out of the dirt, running as fast as possible until he finally found some sticks. He gathered as many as possible but there was no food anywhere. There wasn’t even a town nearby. Maybe he could catch an animal when he got back. He didn’t make it all the way to the cave that night, running out of time. He had to leave the sticks on the ground while he buried himself. The worry was even worse the second day and he found himself digging handfuls of earth around him from being locked in there, useless. That night he made it back, his clothes and hair dirty, his arms cradling the wood.

 

Thor looked so small, his body curled up to conserve heat as much as possible. Loki could hear his heart and it didn’t sound the way it had before. It was softer and slower than he remembered. He tossed the pile of sticks down where they could dry and rushed over to his brother. His skin was pale and the beautiful pink lips blue.

 

“I…k..knew..you..you’d…come back,” he stuttered out to him.

 

“I’m sorry I was gone so long,” Loki blurted, grabbing onto him.

 

It had been days since he’d fed and there was no warmth left to his body, but he tried his best anyway. He rubbed his hands over Thor’s arms, trying to help the circulation.

 

“I….wassssn’t….worried,” he said, trying to smile.

 

Loki’s heart was breaking at the state the other man was in. The powerful, golden god was slowly freezing to death and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t just sit by and let it happen. He got up and went over to the wood, calling on any magic he could inside himself to make it dry. There wasn’t much as he was growing weak himself and he couldn’t do it. The worst helpless feeling came over him and he hung his head to hide the few tears that slipped out of his eyes. Loki returned to his brother and looked around, desperately searching for something that would help. An idea came to him and he started to take off his clothes.

 

“L…Loki….what..are. you..d..doiing?”

 

He realized how strange it seemed and gave Thor a smile.

 

“The only thing I can think of right now.”

 

Once his clothes were off, he sat down and pulled the other man into his lap, holding him close. Then he put his discarded clothing over him. He knew it wouldn’t help much, but maybe it would make a difference. The blonde understood what he was doing and rested his head on his shoulder. Loki could feel the intermittent shivering running through the other man’s tense muscles and pain shot into his heart.

 

“It won’t be much longer before the wood is dry,” he told his love in a soothing voice.

 

Thor raised a shaky hand to his face and touched his cheek.

 

“You’re….ssso…ccccold.”

 

The concern in his voice made Loki want to die. He was suffering from the frigid temperature and worried about only him.

 

“I’m fine. I can’t feel it like you do.”

 

The big fingers slid down his neck to his chest, stopping at the scar from the battle. His brother’s fingers lingered there, touching it gently. No one other than the healer’s had even seen it, let along touched it. His breath caught a little and he became very aware of the thumping and rushing sounds inside the body against his.

 

“T..this….was from..the…bbbatle?”

 

He put his hand on the side of Thor’s head and his cheek against the silky hair, holding him close.

 

“Yes.”

 

The blonde looked up at him and he moved to meet his gaze.

 

“I’m…ssssorry. We ttttreated you….sssso bbbadly…..”

 

He could hear the sorrow in his brother’s voice and shushed him.

 

“It doesn’t matter now. That was in the past.”

 

“You knnnow..it was…my llllove…that…”

 

“Yes, I know. Please, Thor, try to conserve your energy.”

 

As much as the heartbeat called to him, it’s faintness scared him. He had to get a fire going soon so he could find the other man some food. They both had gone without nourishment for days and the little he’d seen Thor eat was nothing compared to what he normally needed.

 

He could feel the other man relax against him as he fell asleep and Loki sat back against the wall, pressing his brother to his chest. His eyes shut briefly from the pain and frustration he was going through. He let his mind take them away from there, to a beautiful warm place where they could love each other and he knew Thor would be alright. He pictured them holding each other, their lips pressing together, the sound of the other man’s heart pounding loudly in his ears the way it should be. His member was growing hard and the warmth of the sun flowed into their bodies, renewing them. His mind suddenly snapped out of the vision at the thought of the sun shining on him. The impossibility of it shocked him enough to pull him out of his blood induced stupor in time to realize the flow had stopped anyway.

 

The greatest terror and pain hit him in a huge wave as he pulled his head back from the tear in the perfect skin of the neck he’d been drinking from. It hadn’t been a dream. He’d kissed his brother before biting him and draining the life from him. There was no longer the comforting sound of anything emanating from his chest and Loki couldn’t grasp the idea at first.

 

“Thor? Thor wake up,” he cried, shaking him.

 

As the knowledge sunk in, tears cascaded from him and pain tore into his body. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t have killed his brother, the man he loved more than himself. But there was no answer, no movement, no heartbeat.

 

“Nooo!” he screamed, pushing him off from him, sobs wracking his chest.

 

He looked over and saw the body lying there and sat on his knees next to it. He hit Thor on the chest, crying tears from his soul.

 

“You should have let me die, you fool! I deserve it, not you. Not you…”

 

It was ironic that now he was warm he couldn’t help him at all. He suddenly detested the blood flowing through him. It had come at too great a price. Just the thought that he’d been the one to kill him over such a horrible thing caused his hold on sanity to slip and he ranted with no purpose.

 

“I don’t want it Thor! I never wanted it! Your blood is too good for me, you’re too good for me. You can’t leave me. Here, take it back! Come back!”

 

Loki tore his wrist open with his teeth and let the blood run into the other man’s mouth. Maybe he would live if he gave it back, his fevered brain told him. Of course nothing happened and his wound healed unnaturally fast. Finally he collapsed into a weeping mess on the lifeless form. His mind grew numb and he couldn’t process it anymore. He didn’t know how long he lay there, but eventually it became clear what he had to do. He held the pale face in his hands and kissed the cold lips of the other man. Time, reality, and everything he had ever been shattered from the terrible pain that assaulted him.

 

“I’m so sorry. You were the only person I ever loved Thor. I will always love you,” he told him as fresh tears fell from him.

 

Loki let him go and shuffled outside, ready to embrace his end finally. There was no one to stop him and even his sense of self-preservation was gone completely. Nothing as vile and corrupt as he was should be allowed to exist. As long as he was around, he would continue to destroy the good things that brought nothing but light and happiness to others. Like the perfect creature that had loved him even with everything he was. He was the darkness and it was time for the sun to purge him from the realms.

 

Loki closed his eyes, wishing he had the strong arms around him once more and could look into the blue eyes when his end came. But he had made sure that wouldn’t happen by ending the pure life of his brother. The prickles came from the sun and he welcomed them this time. There was no urge to flee or bury himself. There was no doubt or hesitation. Every sting of pain was needed to cleanse his soul. The burning intensified as the sun started to make itself known, smoke and the stench of hot flesh rising into the air.

 

Loki held onto consciousness, he wanted to feel every last second of the torment that his mind could handle. Just as he was positive he was going to explode in a fiery, burning mass something cool gripped his shoulders and yanked him into the darkness of the cave. He could feel something cold and hard against his back, but his skin was covered in blisters and his blood boiling from the heat. The worst part was knowing he had failed again, somehow he’d been stopped from the only good deed he could perform and the knowledge overwhelmed him, making him pass over into the depths of blissful unawareness. His body slumped as he passed out.

 

Loki woke up to cold fingers stroking his cheek. His eyes snapped open and he looked up, not able to comprehend what he was seeing. Thor was holding him, looking down at him lovingly. Then it all clicked. He had died after all and either he was in a strange afterlife or some kind of limbo. It didn’t matter though, he would take this reality over the one he’d left. But even here his brother’s heart was silent, almost as if taunting him with the reminder he’d taken his life.

 

“Thor?” he asked, his voice raspy from the venture he’d taken into the sunlight.

 

“How many times am I going to have to stop you from doing that?” his brother chided lightly.

 

“What?”

 

He struggled into a sitting position so he could look him in the face, never leaving the other man’s hold.

 

“You stopped me? But you’re dead.”

 

Maybe his mind had finally snapped because he was confused and none of this made sense.

 

“I’m not sure what happened. I remember you biting me and I think I did die. But then I came back somehow. I feel different though. I think I’m like you now Loki.”

 

So many things went through his brain, he couldn’t keep track of them. As Thor’s words became clear, he looked at him with horror on his face.

 

“How do you not hate me for everything? I killed you and now I’ve cursed you.”

 

The blonde pressed his lips to his forehead, making his eyes close at the sweetness of that simple act. He had believed he would never feel his love touch him again and he knew his eyes reflected what was in his heart.

 

“I know you didn’t mean to do any of it. Even if you did, I will always love you.”

 

Loki threw his arms around the other man, not caring about the pain the contact caused to his scorched skin. He could already feel it healing.

 

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.

 

“Just as I didn’t deserve to have you as a brother for all those years. I took you for granted and I won’t ever do it again.”

 

Pure love passed between them as their lips came together in a passionate kiss. Loki knew the future wasn’t going to be easy and there was a lot they were going to have to decide on. With them both being vampires, they were going to have to feed. He wouldn’t watch the other man become like he had and he knew Thor wouldn’t let it happen to him either. He might be a monster, but for the first time he knew he wouldn’t be alone and he had hope and love.


End file.
